I realized in some conversation this week that I had really made a lot of transformations this past year or so. In my nursing career, I had always loved emergency nursing, the thrill, the adrenaline everything about it made me feel very fortunate to be able to serve people on the entire lifespan. It was truly an honor to see patients that were beginning of life, end of life, and anywhere in between, and I felt privileged to be able to care for them, and be part of their journey. The toll of working in the emergency department hit me well before the pandemic did and as I tried to use my skill set in a way that would best be served to the nursing community, I found that even behind the scenes of emergency nursing as a nurse educator it was still a bit chaotic.
It’s been a year since I changed specialty, and I have again had additional realizations that while the ER felt natural to me at that phase of life, now with my own child, pediatrics is new my new home. I am thankful to be part of the families journeys as they bring in kids with all needs and pediatric patients from the very young and new all the way up until 18. Having my own little one and two step children has prepared me for having communication with this population. But it continues to teach me better ways to communicate with my own children.
I recently celebrated my relationship with my stepdaughter by getting matching tattoos. It’s been a years long dream finally come to fruition during a visit when I was able to go solo during a nursing conference. The tattoo is the symbol for rising woman. It is the intersection of divine feminine and divine masculine- the moon and the sun. It is significant to us as we enter a season of balance and harmony. Remembering to keep an even keel, listen to our intuition, and take care of our being. Was a great experience, and I loved sharing this with her.
I was on the phone with a friend today and had just picked up my 4 year old. As we chatted my daughter began making monster noises, singing, and then screaming. Obviously, she didn't want me on the phone but unable to express that she decided to call attention to herself. I was able to redirect her attentions for a bit, but not before my friend noted "this is a good form of birth control for me right now". I laughed, we had a rough morning that had delayed me for work because she didn't want to wear pants after it had rained this morning. As I shared my morning adventures with my friend she said she understands why parents are stressed.
I was like yeah, every aspect of your single life changes, you have to take longer in the morning getting ready- not because of your own needs, but theirs. Picking them up from school and into the car takes a lot of patience and time. Deciding randomly to run to the store real quick will surely require more time and energy than you planned. When you want a baby and everyone asks if you will have another, not many people talk about the challenging days.
The days you are ready for work just to have your kid smear the toothbrush all over you, the days where they won't wear pants and in the fluster of getting them ready your forget your laptop at home and have to go back, the days where things just take longer.
Only parents talk about these things. And other parents are the first to tell you- I know that, I have been there, and have you met my kids (my favorite lol). There is a shared commissary of these challenging days. But at the end of the day you would have no other way. The moments of awe struck joy and love that come with being a parent is something that cannot be explained in words.
But in regards to keeping your sanity- well, you have to find what works for you. I choose to live differently. I abandon guilt when I spend time alone, with friends, or simply running to the store- because thankfully she has 2 of us. I also HAVE to prioritize myself. Not get to, or should... I have to prioritize myself or I will lose my mind!! For real, I am not perfect, and I have a lot of unlearning to do to remain patient, calm, or sane. I have struggled with anxiety, overcome adversity, and I am not the best sometimes.
Recently, I was a bit off. During these times I get quiet, I ask myself what I need. And right now, I am doing a mindset course. Because when I am not doing so well the internal dialogue can turn into a less than positive narrative. I am enjoying it, and feeling like I am getting back on track. Life comes with its peaks and valleys, I am glad for another upswing. Thankful for the chaos, and the ability to live differently.
Here is what I learned from a busy weekend with 3 different activities.
Today is Sunday, and as I drive to see a dear friend and her family I am also overstimulated. The rush of the mornings to get ready for these events leave me on edge. I pressure everyone to get ready and get out the door so we don’t “miss out”. But what I tend to forget is by doing this I am missing out on the family bond of a Sunday morning. Usually we wake up together, snuggle and giggle, and then make breakfast. When we do have an activity plan sometimes we pick up breakfast- which is what we did today.
But today was rushed and I was very much in my masculine energy. Meaning I was commanding my husband and child to hurry up and slinging threats of staying home if they didn’t comply. When I am in this mindset I have to check myself. It is an easy habit to fall into, and even when I am trying to be so efficient during these times I tend to forgot things. Like literal things we need to bring, but also the things that are more important. Our time together.
I am admittedly a person who overschedules life. I am still working out all the reasons that made me this way, but a lot of it comes down to good old “FOMO”. Rather dumb to admit, but I am easily distracted and engaged. I love to start things but don’t always finish them. I excel at work with launching programs, and can loose interest in the maintenance phase and usually try to hand that off to someone else.
So this weekend was a great example- Friday night my daughter and I went to a kids amusement park for a Halloween event. Yesterday we had swim lesson and a concert in the park with food trucks and kids play area. And today we are off to go apple picking. Tomorrow is Halloween, and spirit week for my daughters school.
With all the people and the hustle bustle I have noticed and recognized my irritability. I am not just over scheduled but overstimulated as well. This is why I love journaling, using planner tools, and now I am going to try my hand at blogging. Getting these thoughts out of my head helps me process it all, and my hope is that it helps others as well. Sharing our stories can inspire, intrigue, and ignite inquiry.
Looking forward to a slower pace the rest of the day. Thankfully I have a husband who moves at a snails pace… lol, you what they say- opposites attract. He reminds me to stay grounded and to slow down. A little Yin and Yang over here that I take for granted but am truly thankful for.
Happy Halloween friends! Here’s to many more thought sharing posts. 🎃 👻
If you would like to check out one of the planners I LOVE when I am in a busier season in life, then click here: https://bit.ly/3BDVJvd
**affiliate link- I’ll get a bit back for the referral
